Oopsianity
by blackcat124680
Summary: You call it blasphemy. We call it an inside joke. A group of insane otakus rule over heaven and anime characters from many different series. Rated M for language and nondescriptive sexual themes.
1. Chapter 1

Oopsianity Outline:

How it began: One day, my friend Rachel did something bad, so she had to call our friend Miranda and beg for her forgiveness as God. Her being God became an inside joke and we somehow ended up making our own religion for it. (please do not think of this as blasphemy, it is mearly a joke and a form of amusement. We take none of it seriously.)

Characters:

God- Allpowerful ,Hyperactive, Obsessive Otaku

God's Bitch- Spoiled Uke with obsession over Naruto and Ramen

Mercenary- Pretty much runs Heaven. God's secretary (basically)

Shepherd- One of God's first followers

Sheep- Constant power struggle against Shepherd

Jesus- Changes several times depending on what we do to him…

And more to come…

Commandments:

1) Thou shall not spazz God

2) Thou shall love their bitches ignorant

3) Thou shall love ter Winter Wonderland (long story)

4) Thou shall not make God's Bitch cry

5) Thou shall play Guitar Hero/Kingdom Hearts

6) Thou shall flip off assholes

7) Thou shall worship Cheshire/Roxas/Uchihas … AFTER GOD

8) Thou shall not question God's (immanent) authority

9) Thou shall praise God's Bitch when she is good

10) 10,000 + 10,000 = 1,000,000

11) Thou shall learn to cover ears when God squees

12) Thou shall not pole God/God's Bitch in the head

13) Thou shall listen to God's Ipod

14) God shall get the window seat

15) Thou shall hold tea into thy stomach

16) Thou shall have cold fingers

17) Thou shall love pencils and worship erasers

18) Thou shall screw pens to Hell

19) Thou shall have tea with the Mad Hatter at 6

20) Thou shall believe in the best butter


	2. Chapter 2

Heaven is just like every anime fan imagined it. Pretty clouds, many Hitsugaya plushies, and all the yaoi fan fiction you could ever read. Amidst all of this boyxboy literature was a large throne made of british chocolate and awesome fan art. That throne belonged to none other than God. Next to that throne was another throne made of ramen and Naruto plushies for God's Bitch. Nearby,Mercenarywas standing and being forced to listen to God's ipod. One day, a guy named Light Yagami appeared before the throne. He had just died.

"Hi! I'm God!" God greeted him. "This is my Bitch!" she pointed over to her bitch, who was eating her ramen throne. "And that's my mercenary!" she pointed over to Mercenary, who waved with one hand and flipped him off with the other.

Light was so surprised and insulted that his eye twitched. "What…? …No… I'm God….." he said.

"What's wrong with him? I'm God!" God asked.

"He's just psychotic!" God's bitch replied.

Proving God's Bitch right, Light seemed to be having a mental breakdown.

"Shut up!" he yelled "If you're really God, then I'll just kill you with my notebook!" (HOLY SH** HE STILL HAS IT?)

~SILENCE~

"Ah yes. You and your handy dandy notebook. Just so you know, the second a writing implement touches you "uber" notebook I'll burn it with this convenient flamethrower…" Mercenary informed him.

"Woot! Hurray for weapons!" God cheered as she pulled an AK47 out from behind her throne.

"I want one! I want one!" God's Bitch begged. God gave her a giant iron mallet. "Woot!"

"Uh…" Light's eye twitched some more as he slowly raised his notebook.

Mercenary raised her flamethrower "Get ready to die you son-of-a…."

"Alright!" he yelled as he dropped his notebook and his pencil to the ground. Everyone stared at him in silence, until Mercenary set fire to the book. "What's wrong with you people! I'M GOD! Not you!"

"…not anymore, now that your notebook's dead…" Mercenary said quietly.

"…" he stared. "…I hate you all…"

"Well, we still need a Jesus…" God's Bitch suggested.

"Messiah." Mercenary corrected. "And it's actually a pretty good position. I mean, in Christianity, Jesus practically gets more attention than God. And we need a Messiah to protect our people…."

"No!" God yelled. "I'm NOT giving birth to him!"

"Pwease God!" God's Bitch whinned. "Can we keep him? Pwease, Pwease?"

"Fine…" she complied with the commands of her uke.

"…you know… you don't HAVE to give birth to him… Christianity's God was just bored…"

"Yay! Now descend upon Earth! My Son!"

A hole opened up in the clouds and "Jesus" fell to his untimely second death.

"Woops…" God said.

"…I think we need a new Messiah…" Mercenary said.


	3. Chapter 3

One day, God went to Wonderland to say hello to Blood. She also brought along Mercenary and God's Bitch to help her with her mission, to convert him to Oopsianity.

"I worship NO ONE! I'm in the f-ing MAFIA DAMNIT!" Blood responded angrily.

"Ok, but in our religion, it's part of the commandments to flip off assholes." Mercenary explained.

"…"

"And church services are only five minutes long…"

"…"

"And instead of bread and wine we give out snickerdoodles and milk…"

"I BELIEVE!" Blood proclaimed.

"YES!" God says. "Now, come, Blood. Let's make JESUS!"

- God and Blood run away to make Jesus. This "Jesus Making" ends up causing several earthquakes that terrorize China-

-Meanwhile in China-

"Holy shit!" China yells as the ground is shaken below him.

Mercenary appears and says "I'm sorry. God is… uh… preparing to send Jesus… to Earth…"

"What! The Messiah! He's coming, aru!"

"Uh, yeah. Don't get your hopes up. Trust me. It's not gonna be pretty."

"OMG! The earthquake just killed my lover!" -runs to Russia's dead body- "aruuuuuu T_T"

"I'm sorry. God's having a bit too much fun. Here, take this old panda as an apology." -random old panda materializes-

"Awww it's sooo cute /. Thank you! I mean, you only killed a world super power. A panda so makes up for that, aru!"

Then the old panda (aka Bookman) said "Hohoho, look. A new child. Ever since Lavi stopped giving it willingly *sigh*"

"UH, WHAT! ARUUUUU!"

"…Shut up and bend over…"

-England suddenly appears out of nowhere-

"WAIT!" England yelled.

"Ah, England! Thank God! This old panda's trying to rape me, aru!"

"Oh, I see. That sucks for you. Well I still want to trade with you. So here, have this opium as a gift."

"Wait, WHAT! OPIUM! ARUUUUUUU!"

Bookman looked up at England. "Ah, thank you. Now I have advantages."

"WHAAAAATTTTTTT!"

"I SAID BEND OVER!"


	4. Chapter 4

Oopsianity: Lent - Chapter 1

One day, in heaven, God was playing a rousing game of BS with her bitch.

"BULL SHIT!" She called out.

"God," Mercenary said. "Watch your language. This IS heaven, you ARE god, and there ARE children here =_=." She reminded.

"Exactly. I'm /GOD/. I can say what I want. I can't sin. And this game's called bullshit. What else am I supposed to say?"

Mercenary just sighed and let her continue her game. She sat in her throne, made of stuffed animals and tears, and looked at God's schedule. On that day was the word "Lent" in big, red letters.

"God!" She called. "It's Lent!"

"So what?" God's Bitch yelled back "BULLSHIT!"

"BITCH!" Mercenary replied impatiently. "Lent is a time where people have to give up something they like for 40 days."

"Why would anyone give up something for so long?" Bitch asked, finding the whole idea pointless.

"I don't know. To achieve a more heavenly perspective of life? To find meaning in something? I think God was high or something when she came up with it…"

"WAS NOT! _" God finally spoke up.

"Well, I'm gonna make all of you give something up."

"WHAT! NO!" God and Bitch cried in unison.

"Too bad. It'll teach you how to go without. I mean, REALLY, God you have the power to end world hunger, end war, and make the world a total paradise, but you leave the world in the state it's in while you live in the lap of luxury!"

"Ummm…" God thought "Well… I'm God…"

" *sigh* Bitch, I want you to give up ramen."

"NEVEEEEERRRR!" She wailed.

"YES! It's bad for your health and I think you would benefit from a break. Besides, I think your breath is permanently gonna smell like soy sauce…"

"Really? Awsome! But I don't wanna give up ramen! I Bite Chuu!"

"God… I think you should… give up…. sex…. "

"WHAT! NEVER!" God let out a high pitched wail.

"Well, I think I just lost most of my hearing." Mercenary held her ears tightly. "You're making humans all over the world give things up, I think it's only fit that you give up something of more… value…. to you."

"WHY! Even if I did give it up, I'd just get raped! I mean, there's vegetation everywhere! Bakura's gonna get what he wants!"

"Don't care… Go die… =_="

"WHAT ABOUT YOU!"

"…marshmallows…"

"NO! YOU HAVE TO GIVE UP SOMETHING IMPORTANT!" :(

"…like…"

"FINE! YOU GET SEX TO!" _

"FINE! FIRST ONE TO HAVE SMEX LOSES!"

"YOU'RE ON! LOSER HAS TO WEAR THAT SKIMPY OUTFIT IN YOUR CLOSET!"

"I WAS 4! IT WAS A BALLET COSTUME!"

"YOU'LL STILL HAVE TO WEAR IT!"

And so, a bet was made between God and her mercenaries. Whoever loses (has smex first) has to wear a tiny, white, black polka dotted, maid dress with a tutu. And let her lovers get a good, long look. Hmm… I'm the narrator now… right… so I can say whatever I want…. THERES A BABY IN THERE! *points to random pregnant lady on the street* *gets beat up by random pregnant lady* …shit…


End file.
